Few minutes ago I was chattering with everyone on the bus, also looking forward to the dinner party at Eko hotel and suites in Lagos Nigeria and the after-party at get-arena night club.
Amidst all these anticipated fun, my phone rang and a very familiar voice said "he killed her" that was the voice of my immediate young brother, he just broke the news of the death of our beloved sister, who was married to a beast, her more than 30 years of marriage to her heartthrob was hellish and nightmarish.
The only memory I have of this man was how he batters her to pulp, the battering was more like a ritual to him, and he was quite diligent at it than paying the school fees of his children, he was an infidel.
When the sad tales kept coming to my father, it became an "earsore" he visited his inglorious son in-law, returned his bride price and he "jejely" took his daughter home. His battered daughter kept begging to return to him, her reason was she will become a laughing stock among extended family members.
Eminem and Rihanna had her in mind when they sang 'love the way you lie'.
Few weeks later, he came with his kinsmen, pleading to have his wife back.
He returned the bride price and promised to turn a new leaf, and show restraint, he forgot that life is no Nintendo game.
Alas! He lied again.
The last straw that broke the camel's back was when he granted her one day permission to visit her bereaved friend and she spent two days. She came home to meet her beast of a husband, he welcomed her with floggings for disobedience as if she were a goat that had eaten the master’s yam, he clutched her hands and cleared her feet from the ground and she somersaulted.
He stampeded her lower abdomen and she had a discharge of thick blood, she was already in her menopause, she screamed like a woman in a labor room. Her neighbours heard and came to her rescue, she was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor confirmed that her womb had ruptured, few days later, she passed on from the complication
I detest any form of abusive relationship, be it domestic or gender, in my native Yoruba parlance "what is bad is bad, it has no other name".
We live in a society where a lot of people remain in abusive relationships because of what people think. How long does anyone have to let people's opinions decide his/her happiness, forgetting that life is personal.
In the case of my sister, she could not leave her abusive marriage because of what people and culture thinks.
She died respecting a culture that relegates her to the background of the society, a culture that tells her that she is a sex object and a child making machine, a culture that questions her wit and identity as a woman.
When she died, the people and culture she feared spat on her tomb, they had several opinions like, why did she remain? She killed herself, is it by force to be married? Was she tied down?
Those statements were from the same people she cared about their opinions concerning her personal life.
A common trend with physical abuse is that it begins with a verbal abuse, until one day he slaps you and it progresses from slaps, then to fist-fights.
No one should ever remain in any abusive relationship either male or female, a common “misbelief" among ladies is "when we marry he will stop", let me burst your bubbles, he will never stop, until he kills you or the other way round.
If you are in any form of abusive relationship, talk to someone, and start making plans to move out of the house.
Perhaps you just left any, please share your experience.
A true story.
About Onyibe Oliver
Oliver Onyibe is a/an |Clerisy| |Social Engineer| |Lover| |Eclecticist|
Find him on twitter @osawaruonyibe
