Lagos Radar: The Conversation at cemetery road

Fortnight to my twenty fourth year on this stage of fools apology to Shakespeare, I visited my mentor a man I’m well pleased with, a towering intellectual, and he decided to entertain me in a nearby alehouse, an ardent believer in the age long saying that ‘in wine lies the truth’.

Egbon: Oliver, please place your order

Me: I don’t drink alcohol

Egbon: I insist, do you know you are intelligent, however I get your best when you drink, please drink something.

Me: waiter, abeg give me one origin or Ice

Egbo: origin is better, it’s medicinal and herbal

Me: egbon, but it contains alcohol

Egbon: it is just 6% Vol. moreover, you are a social drinker

Me: mmmmmh, sounds fine

Waiter: oga, big or small

Me: small, ha, waiter, you wan kill me?

Waiter: haaaa, no oga, na market I wan sell ooooooo, oga take big abeg

Egbon: are you sure small is fine?

Me: I’m a house fellowship leader

Egbon: hahahaaa, Oliver do you know religion is counter-productive

After gulping the content, feeling a bit tipsy

Me: religion clouds your reasoning; DH Lawrence once said who says you shouldn’t ask questions?

Me: religion says

Egbon: waiter bring another bottle

Me: collected it shyly, Egbon I am a house fellowship leader; I mustn’t be caught in the act

Egbon: what act?

Egbon: God is the giver of all things

Me: yes, however moderation is civility

Egbon: Moderation is alien to our culture, in this clime, the selected politicians loot with impunity. We don’t nibble, we devour

Me: you have spoken well, waiter bring big

Rushes to our table

Waiter: oga, I tell you that time, big dey save money, make I bring two?

Me: no, bring your freezer, alakoba, abeg change the CD to Fela and increase the volume, thank you

Egbon: how is your love life?

Me: love sank with titanic in 1912, how’s your wife?

Egbon: she’s wifely, what do you think about the removal of ajami from the #100 note

Me: you mean the new note?

Egbon: Yes

Me: It’s a welcome development, Nigeria is multi-ethnic with more than 59 languages, and the state language is English, we are bedevil by dual idealism, we copy wrongly, our concept of secularism, democracy, federalism is warped. In a true secular state Sharia court is non permissive.

It is high time we understood that a true federating state is suppose to develop itself, every state is suppose to pull itself with its own bootstraps from where it is, to where it ought to be.

Egbon: flow Oliver, please flow

Me: do you know that the present breed of politicians are intellectual vegetables, they consider the position as a means of enriching their pocket, political offices in Nigeria is not a call to serve, it is a call to loot, they are ‘lootocrats’

Egbon: Oliver Onyibe, you are a seraph among mortals, you are the hope of a working Lagos and Nigeria.

Me: ase, please we need to hit the road, it’s getting dark.

Egbon: yes, let’s go and prepare for the mystery of tomorrow.

Me: waiter, make you take care of yourself and madam

Waiter: thank you oga, abeg come tomorrow

Me: if I get chance, I go come

Waiter: thank you oga social drinker

About Onyibe Oliver

Oliver Onyibe is a/an |Clerisy| |Social Engineer| |Lover| |Eclecticist|

Find him on twitter @osawaruonyibe